I spent $100 tipping drag queens

#alumniweekend

My college friends and I went to a city in Iowa to partake in the fine theater, dining and other high life highlights.

The majority of us wound up getting pretty drunk off tequilla margaritas and lots of wine. How feminine of us. So, we had every intention of actually going to a theatrical performance, but we were all too drunk and wound up not wanting to stay past the first act. To be fair, it was The Crucible and though I love me some witches but that shit’s a buzzkill.

So, we went to a drag show instead.

Best decision we ever made in our lives.

I was very drunk. Felt 16 again for how shamefully fast I got “schwastey face” as my friends and I call it. We go to the drag show. I apparently was just getting singles after singles after singles to throw on those beautiful lady boys. I would be concerned if they had to lipsync for their lives, but they were padded to the yes gawds so, I’m at peace with it. They got all my money for a reason.

Highlight of the year so far. Just absolute, utter girly debauchery. It was a beautiful sight. I will forever cherish the memories I made with Whitney, Olivia, Sam, Liz, and Jessica. Poor Jessica. She’s cooking a baby in her belly so she couldn’t imbibe. A kind waiter, who I apparently did unladylike things towards, gave her free cheesecake. And Olivia was a wonderful host, and her boyfriend and her were dirty dancing and it was fucking magical and now I understand that whole fucking scene in that godforsaken movie because of those two beautiful friends of mine!

It was a glorious weekend! (spoken like Ron Burgundy when he found Baxter.)

I would tell you more, but then I’d have to kill you.

#momoblessthisweekend #mytribe #alumniweekend #youcannotmilkanalmond

And no, that doesn’t say anal mond. It’s an almond. If you thought it was anal mond, you might be Sean Connery on Jeopardy (SNL skit, ya newbs.)

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