Every day, I come home from work and say the same thing. “Man, today was long.” Every single day. Without hesitation. The bra and pants come off, the earrings come out, the hair goes up, and I can “take off my mask” as I usually say.
So, why does this happen every day? Because I hide behind said mask. I put up a front. I pretend I’m happy when I don’t really think I am. I’m not saying that I’m not content with the life that I’m living, or that I’m angry at one thing or another, but life’s menial circumstances exhaust me more than others, I guess. I don’t know why. My brain just has a shut down valve somewhere and the little angry dwarves in my brain like to fidget with it, and it’s been fidgeted with so much that now I just go numb as soon as I walk in the door.
And that’s okay.
Self-care is a critical, nay, crucial point to my everyday life. And I take caring for myself very seriously. Or, at least I try to. Anyone can take self-care seriously, it’s kind of just giving into what your desires are for a little bit (not forever). For example, it’s been three whole work days and I have yet to have an evening to myself, so what am I doing? Naturally, I’m snuggled in my blankets in my comfy bed with Rex, Ollie and Opal and am baking a shit ton of french fries. Why? Because that’s what I want to do.
I’m not inviting people over or attending any events, I’m not even going to visit my mom and dad, and my mom is pretty much my best friend. So that’s saying something when french fries come before Mom. Only for today though.
It was (and is) my full intention to continue this evening filled with self-care activities that include (but are not limited to) blogging (check), possibly painting my nails a different color, definitely a long soaking bath, perhaps a little yoga with some candles lit? But perhaps not, too. I’m not setting a specific schedule or anything. I’m just letting my mind and body be free for a while.
Isn’t that a wonderful thing to do for yourself? Read that again, reader. “I’m just letting my mind and body be free for a while.” I’m just going to do activities that really make Katie…well, Katie. I might watch cartoons, or dig into a book. Perhaps I’ll get out my gel pens and color in one of my many coloring books. Don’t know for sure, and I don’t really mind either way. As long as it’s what I want to do.
I wonder how many hours we spend in our lifetime catering to other people’s needs. At least in my life, I do my best to think of others before I think of myself. I did that for a long time, years and years, before I ever thought of myself, and I think that’s where the depression and anxiety have really shone through. I forgot who I was. I forgot what I wanted. I forgot what I needed. I needed time to relax, time to rejuvinate (I friggin’ love that word… rejooooooooovinaaate…even saying it just relaxes me so very much). I needed Katie time.
Some people don’t need as much self-care time as others, and some need more. Self- care should be something that makes you feel relaxed and makes you feel happy. Even for a moment. If it’s french fries and cartoons, so be it. If it’s sewing and feeding the homeless, so be it. If it’s watching WWE wrestling with your grandpa while you suck down beers and bark at the tv, then by God, so be it!
Sometimes, I feel like people don’t understand the concept of self-care. Especially in a world that is completely go-go-go. And maybe not everybody needs self-care– I’m not sure because I definitely do need it. (Rejooooooovinate…mmh, still good.) The important thing is to not wait around for anyone to take care of yourself for…yourself…it’s self-care. It’s in the name. And sometimes, self-care comes with other names. Some people call them “cheat days”, or “a day at the spa” when they don’t live anywhere near a spa, or whatever. They mean the same thing.
Welp, I smell french fries.
Take care of yourselves, out there.